Dialogue in Family

I have been blessed with grandparents who have lived long, connected lives to their grandchildren. Recently the first of my grandparents passed away. Grandma Pearly lived in Florida for much of my life and while I loved her deeply, we didn't always get along. At times, I did not feel respected by her for who I am. I share the following story and accompanying details because one of the deepest lessons I learned from her came out of this struggle.

My hair was always too short for her. In middle and high school, the first thing she'd say to me when we talked on the phone was "Do you have a boyfriend?" (or at least that's how I remember it). She was annoyed with my baggy t-shirts often saying, "That should be ironed." Sometimes before I went to visit her in Florida, I would strategically go shopping looking for more "feminine" clothes (a tighter shirt, less baggy shorts). And even when I would wear these clothes -- I would hear the same comments. These comments wouldn't anger me -- they were just annoying. Once I came out as gay and had a girlfriend, I wondered when or if I would talk to her about this identity of mine. I remember thinking, "Did she know this about me all along and think she was going to change me with her comments? Or will she be relieved that I finally started dating? Or is she homophobic?"

One of my last visits with her in her Florida home I decided I'd come out to my 90+ year old grandma. It is a conversation I hold on to so dearly now.  "Grandma, there's someone I want you to know about," I said as I pulled out a picture of me with my girlfriend, at that time. "Nooo," she said shaking a bit. "I don't want to know." She didn't say this in a stern way. It sounded to me like she didn't want to know this truth about me. I continued anyway. "This is my girlfriend" and preceded to tell my grandma about her, what we did together. She asked me if I was sure I was gay and I said yes. Then she wanted to know if I just couldn't find a boy. I said I wasn't interested in men. She continued to search for clarity about why I "turned out this way." I asked her why she didn't want me to be gay. You can't have kids, was her reply. I dispelled that myth for her. She wanted to know if it was because I went to an all-women's college. I dispelled that myth for and I told her I came out in high school. She talked about the Holocaust and the discrimination I would face as someone who is gay. She talked about my liberal "hippie" parents. I said it wasn't about them. She shared some of her other fears with me. I can't even remember them all anymore. Our conversation remained calm--it was a quiet dialogue about stereotypes, differences, identities, generations. Almost an hour passed and the conversation ended with her telling me about another relative in our family that is gay and how supportive she was to this family member. And then she said, "Okay, Emma. Your grandfather and I used to invite my school principal over for dinner when I was a teacher. He used to bring his partner over." That's how it ended. For me, I said what I wanted to my grandma. I wanted her to know more about her granddaughter. And by the end, I saw her final comment as a way to say, "Emma it is okay that you are gay."

It wasn't perfect after that conversation. But after some gentle reminders from my dad to "ask Emma about her partner," she did (although often asking, "How is your friend?"). I would smile upon hearing this because to me it showed me that people can change.

Change is slow and requires that we be open to dialoguing with others -- sharing insecurities, questions, stories. We must share our vulnerabilities with others. Sometimes we can plan parts of the dialogue, as I had done. Sometimes dialogues come at unexpected moments, catch us off guard and we can respond with anger and hurt, as some moments had felt with my grandma. In the end, I am so honored and blessed to have had a grandma who at 90-something was willing to sit with her 20-something granddaughter and talk. I could be honest with what I needed and wanted from my grandma and say confidently, "I am not changing." And she could eventually hear this and say, "Okay and I love you."

In my last visit with her, I showed her some videos of my teaching. She was a teacher in New York City. It was a beautiful last visit that I will forever cherish, especially when she said with excitement, "You can wear pants as a teacher!" We ate some Jewish baked goods and Noodle Kugel. And without any prompts she asked me about my girlfriend. Change is possible at any age, indeed. 

Reflections from Elementary Educators

It has been challenging for me to find a way to reflect on the year -- in a way that encompasses the range of emotions and experiences I have had. The elementary residents came together and wrote small reflections on our year. Then we each selected one sentence, one phrase, and one word from our own writing to highlight from the year. The poem below has all of our voices and together, I think, showcases the incredible journey we took together. 

Reflections from Elementary Educators

This was one of the most challenging yet rewarding experiences of my life.
I never imagined the lessons I would learn from a class of ten year olds
As this year began, I didn't realize all the ways that learning with such dedicated, vibrant students and teachers would shape me. 
But at that moment, and in this one, this year was also about us – how we held one another up and learned to teach, together.
I learned more about myself than I could imagine.
This was a year I did almost everything I vowed never to do - yell at kids, teach from unfinished lesson plans, and tell myself that I wouldn't make a good teacher.
Call it a community, call it a family, me I call what we had a strong foundation for the success and support of each other as teachers and people and also the students we have served and have yet to meet.
“Those are your coworkers? That’s awesome!”
We share a bond of understanding and support - played out in hugs, in laughter and biting sarcasm, in detailed conversations about student work and lesson plans, in tears, in speaking the foreign language of "school" and "BTR", or just in the comfort of another person working late into the night after everyone else has gone home.
When I began this program I had no idea that Connie would not only be my literacy CTE [Clinical Teacher Educator] but also my therapist!
Teaching is the most challenging thing I've ever done. 
It's all about the kids.
The same kids that make us want to pull our hair out during our lessons could make us feel better after a horrible debrief.
My students quickly became my inspiration.
I am so glad to be done.
This year, I learned how teaching is public and personal.
After years of searching, I found exactly what I was looking for.
“Teachers should feel like they are doing a great job” this is advice that was given to me by one of my students.
I have never cried so much in my entire life.
We have laughed, cried, giggled, swore, hugged, worried and persevered, and somehow we have made it through. 


reaching an "ah-ha" moment
story time with Nancy and Liz
Boston into a home away from home
rubrics and data projects and binders and exhaustion
Change was inevitable
That's ableist
the never-ending sound of forward thinking minds
Let’s unpack that
a deep plunge into the struggles and the joys of life in a school
a community of dedicated, passionate, kind, supportive, generous and intelligent teachers
Appreciate the connectivity and constant laughter among elementary residentsfriends and collaborators
a teacher's dream - three snow days in a row!
Go to the power chair
respect for myself, my colleagues, and my students
pregnant lady
constant questions and unexpected assignments
makes me believe in something bigger, deeper
erase moments from my mind and from egnyte
after this year, BTR just let me go 



learning
laughter
13 months
disrespected 
Family
connections
Challenge
Hope
Resilience 
unexpected
community
Gateway
Growth
laughter
advocate
1st grade scholars
learners
done
resilience
family

(Apologies: I couldn't find a photo that has all the elementary residents)

Through the White House Door

Today I found out that Micah was invited to take part in the ADA Celebration on the White House Lawn later this month. I couldn't help but marvel at the incredible journey he has taken our family on. As I head into my first year of teaching in the fall, he continues to remind me of the power of making sure all students are given opportunities to share their dreams, build community, and strengthen their self determination skills.

Recently our family wrote a number of articles for the National Gateway to Self-Determination (http://www.ngsd.org/). You can read them here on pages 20-25 : http://ngsd.org/sites/default/files/research_to_practice_sd_-_issue_6.pdf

My Brother’s Journey: A Sibling’s Perspective About College and What Comes Next 

I love telling people that my parents, who reside in Michigan, live at least a day’s car ride away from me (in Boston, MA) and my brother (in Syracuse, NY). This is a BIG deal. My brother and I visit each other in our different east-coast states without our parents. This is a BIG deal. My parents talk to my brother and me, at most, a few times a week. This is a BIG deal. Never could I have imagined that this would have happened. Instead, sometimes, having a brother with an intellectual disability, I grew up wondering things like: Who are Micah’s real friends? Will he ever live on his own? How will he live a dignified life when most of society doesn’t value him (and his label)?

In many ways, Micah had a picture perfect inclusive K-12 education experience (this doesn’t mean it was easy to create or actually perfect in execution) – he had a circle of friends, he ran on the Cross Country team, he was elected to homecoming court, he played on the local soccer team, he won the social studies department award. Inclusion has always been a foundational belief and practice in our family. It was an essential part of Micah’s education experience and unlike some special education students, his inclusive journey continues well beyond grade school.

However, it wasn’t until he and I both went to college that something finally clicked for me as his sister. Inclusion became real and practical. Up until this point, inclusion made me feel good. In grade school, I felt safe knowing that Micah had things to do on the weekends, like his peers. It felt good knowing that Micah’s peers cared about him. In the back of my mind, I had always wondered if people really wanted to be his friend (or did it just make them feel good)?

As we moved into college, inclusion felt more complex. I saw Micah being valued and I actually saw others grow in genuine ways as a result of having a relationship with him. I began to see people develop relationships with Micah because they saw the worth in who he was—not just because being his friend made them feel good. I saw Micah make decisions about who he wanted to be friends with. Suddenly everyone didn’t have to be his friend; he and they could choose to become friends.

I saw Micah grow academically from the rigor of college. There were times when we were both taking similar courses and we’d talk about what we were both learning. He didn’t “get” everything in the textbook (neither did I) – and that was okay. Not understanding everything is part of his
disability. This does not mean that we lower our expectations; it means that we don’t all have to understand everything.

College meant that Micah had to negotiate what his paid support-staff peers would do with him and unpack the tensions around “paying” a peer to support him. Inclusion in college meant that it wasn’t always easy for him; the path was not paved for him – he had agency and self-determination in creating his future. He faced institutionalized discrimination; the college would not allow him to live in the dorms. He sued, eventually won, and spent his last semester living in the dorms. Micah’s learning did not just happen in the courses he took. Like most college students, he also grew leaps and bounds
from the social interactions and genuine experiences outside the classroom. For example, as a result of his legal battle, Micah now knows lots of legal jargon. Inclusion meant he grew as a result of his (real) life experiences, not the simulated life experiences in a classroom.

Like me, Micah got to test the waters of “independence” (or at the very least, had the opportunity to see if he could make it without our parents) and develop the courage to continue to take risks. When he returned from a conference and told my parents that he wanted to move to Syracuse, this short statement seemed to reflect his entire history of being immersed in all aspects of life. As a result of his college journey, Micah had learned to create networks of support and advocate for his needs. Today, he wants to live away from our parents, create new communities, and be immersed in a community that he believes just “gets it” (disability, inclusion).  He knew (and I knew) moving to a different state in an apartment with roommates without disabilities was not going to be easy. But he had the tools to make it successful.

I was excited when Micah moved to Syracuse in January 2012, but I was also worried. And as he continues on this exciting journey there are a few things I continue to worry about. Micah has lots to share with the world and especially educators. I hope that Syracuse finds a way for him to share his stories--what he has learned, not just about inclusive education but also about disability culture and disability pride. I think what makes his story unique is that inclusive education for him has been tied to learning more about his disability and becoming part of the disability justice movement. I know he can do more than be a go-to person at Syracuse--I think he can show his PowerPoint and teach segments of disability studies and education courses. This is going to take work on so many levels so I’m excited that he’s surrounded by people who care about him and totally “get” him.

My worry is that his just being in Syracuse will be enough for Micah, that he will be so happy to be around people who respect him that he (and his community) will forget that genuine respect comes from being challenged to continue to grow. I am afraid that we will get complacent. That’s my fear, my nightmare. I hope that he is able to find ways to connect, grow, and learn from the Syracuse community. That he is able to develop, to be challenged on his PowerPoint and speaking skills. That he is able to learn more about social justice issues. That he is surrounded by people who challenge him--who tell him when he’s talked too much about himself and when he hasn’t asked enough questions about others--when his ego is gotten a bit too big (I say this with the most love in my heart). I hope
people can continue to be real with him.

While supportive, nurturing communities that help people grow as people and as professionals is something many hope for, it is particularly important for people with disabilities. I think because the struggle to create inclusive communities is challenging, it is easier to be satisfied when we think we’ve finally done it (create the community); in reality, though, creating inclusive spaces and communities is always ongoing. Efforts to include Micah didn’t stop once he was attending the neighborhood school, they didn’t stop once he was playing on the local soccer team, and they didn’t stop after he moved in the dorms at college. Micah continues to find more ways to make the world more inclusive for people with disabilities. It is process that forces him, our family, and our communities to grow and constantly strive to do better.

We’re still figuring out this new chapter in his inclusive journey through life. I can tell Micah that it’s not always perfect, that he shouldn’t get complacent when it feels safe, and that he should continue to dream. And that he’s got a community around him to help make the unimaginable imaginable and tangible for him.

First Grade

My kids are 6 and 7.

My kids work really hard to hear all the sounds in c-a-t. They work hard to rhyme cat with mat and not map. even though /t/ sounds a lot like /p/ when you’re just learning the language.

My kids like climbing on the stairs to gym or art or lunch like they are mountain lions. their hands reach far above them and their bodies slide all the way up. sometimes they’re like frogs jumping down 2 or 3 stairs. I always hope they don’t fall.

My kids moving their bodies makes stillness seem like a threat to their existence. they like stretching their uniform shirts…hiding their arms inside their shirts and pulling it over their knees. My kids cover their mouths when they talk. Do they not know that their words are magic? My kids tap pencils when I talk to them about their stories. My kids lean back in their chairs. I always hope they don’t fall. Sometimes they get really close to tipping. My kids wiggle, consistently. I think if there was a track in the classroom, they would run laps.

My kids count. They are learning that 100 is a big number and that means they can use 100 snap cubes to make a tower (well, after they count one by one to 100). Making towers are way cooler than writing 10+10=20. And they are just figuring out that 5=2+3 is the same as 2+3=5. How can just a simple equal sign and its placement be full of so many opportunities for learning?

My kids read. One kid learned the word “snowman” yesterday. She read the word once. Then she said, “Wait” as I walked away and read me it again. and again. Her face lit up. Today she found a book with snowman in the title.

My kids like reciting the poems in the morning. They learn to memorize them so quickly. They say them so loudly. I wonder why they feel the urge to scream some of the lines.

My kids like holding my hand, resting their heads in my lap, giving me hugs.

My kids make me laugh, tears fall down my face. Sometimes they don’t know why they make me laugh. They stare at me for a second and then they just start laughing.

My kids like telling us their birthdays. It doesn’t matter if it’s in December or May. They already have plans for what they’ll do on their birthday.

My kids want to be caught doing the right thing. Like when they’re helping a classmate and they look up to find a teacher. Their eyes saying, “Look! I’m being good.” 

Theory & Practice

I came into education, not only because schools were the places where I thrived and at many times felt at home, but also because I believe education can and must work for more students (more than just the Emmas). I came into my student teaching experience with the theories and values of the type of teacher I want to be and the type of classroom I want to build. I leave this experience recognizing the intense tension between theory, ideals and practice. It is really hard to be the teacher I want to be. And it is also possible to find ways to be that type of teacher.

Here are some of my top learning moments—experiences where I “messed up” and either had the opportunity to try again or plan to do differently next time.

1. Students need a purpose for everything they are asked to do. If it’s handwriting, why is it important to write legibly? If it’s writing a book summary, why should we know how to talk about the books we read? If it’s developing automaticity in math, why is that an important skill? When students are told “why”, their dedication and effort increases exponentially. When I had students turn and talk to their partners, I started asking them to share what their partner said. They suddenly had a reason to listen and they knew what to listen for. [It also encourages the teacher to make the lesson/activity purposeful and thus meaningful for the students.]

2. Differentiating is vital, necessary, and should be done without excuses or complaints. That being said it is challenging to differentiate well. How do I differentiate so that all children are involved in thoughtful, engaging work—not just those at- or above- grade level. If there is a culture of equity (instead of equality) in my classroom, students respect each other’s needs, accommodations, and know how to celebrate the accomplishments of their peers. This is fundamental to create a classroom community.

3. Be surprised and then don’t be too surprised. I got caught up in being so proud of some kids when they finally just did the work that I put aside the expectation that the work should be done legibly or that they could actually write more and more thoughtfully. I am still not sure how to participate in this dance—how to praise, celebrate and still push kids because I know they can do more.

4. Give structure, model expectations then let kids dance, make them laugh, and challenge them to be creative. In the early graders there is an inherent tension between respecting the youngness, imagination, curiosity, and immense energy they bring into schools and teaching them independence skills and needing to explicitly “teach” them particular skills/knowledge. I saw the power of a simple energizer in the middle of the day to refocus the kids. The routines the classroom had were SO important for kids who needed to have a predictable day. Making kids laugh, showing them that I could be silly too, was an essential way I was able to build relationships with them. Modeling what a summary should look like or giving examples of more descriptive language kids can use in their writing gives them a foundation to be creative—and it’s okay if the first parts of their sentences all sound very similar.

5. Addressing behavior in the classroom is extremely challenging and at times very draining. I found out quickly how important it is to be consistent and firm when dealing with students who have particular behavioral challenges. I also need to be okay admitting to students that I’ll make mistakes when it comes to quick discipline decisions but we’ll work together to fix them up. I want to make the classroom work for each child so I look at root causes and underlying problems when trying to figure out what will be the best solution to a problem. There are many general accommodations that can be made in a classroom and that are essential because every child is different. General accommodations should be made so that children can feel successful throughout the day (not just in one particular subject area). I often need to ask myself, “What is the big idea” or “what is it that they need to learn here.” If a kid loses focus when it comes to handwriting or if reading comprehension is particularly challenging, what do I need to do so that they are still able to practice their math skills without being overwhelmed by the story problem or the need for a long written math description? While creating universal community/classroom expectations are important, raising a classroom of respectful, considerate, thoughtful, and honest kids is more challenging, but ultimately very rewarding.

6. Kids can handle tough stuff, but it’s going to look and sound a lot different than how I talk about it. I want young kids to have serious, thoughtful conversations where they are asked to think about complex problems. And I also need to be age-appropriate and respect what it natural and comfortable for first and second graders. Students read emotionally charged stories of migration—slaves migrating from the south to the north to find freedom, Vietnamese leaving Vietnam because of war, Chinese migrating to the U.S. to build the railroad where they work in racist and dangerous environments, migrant farm workers in California—and they were able to talk about them. Did they get the complexity of U.S. foreign policy? No. Even though I wanted to talk to them about those issues, I had to learn that these stories are stepping stones for them to eventually recognize that connection. Right now they are recognizing that people move—sometimes because they want to and other times because of dangerous conditions. They are learning that it’s hard to leave everything you know and move to a brand new place. They are learning that not everyone wanted them to be living in this new place and that doesn’t seem nice. This is why I know I can teach in the early grades.

This was a beautiful experience and I’m honored to have been given the opportunity to have had multiple mentors, weekly seminars and reflection, and the chance to apply what I am learning over the course of many months. Time and experience really does teach.

When It's Okay To Teach

As someone who loves the rewards of facilitation and open dialogues, this week quickly taught me that direct teaching can be just as rewarding and at moments, more important than an open dialogue. I spent the first half of the week introducing wow words (or more descriptive language) that students could use in their writing. I had (what I thought!) an exciting interactive mini-unit on the use and practice of these words. While the lessons never failed miserably I was forced to think on my feet and often quickly change my original plans. At the beginning of some of the lessons I would ask open-ended questions to the students, which never seemed to guide the class to the purpose of the lesson. For example, during the first lesson where I had written out my weekend story with some “boring” words, I asked students, “What words do you think I used too much?” The students, eager to participate, replied with a list of words that although I had said them a number of times, were not the words I was focusing on for this lesson. In that moment, I changed my teaching style and said clearly, even underlining, the words that I used too much. By the final lesson I had a handful of sentences written on large poster paper where the class decided how to rewrite/replace the boring word (said, good, bad) in the sentence with a wow word. This was much more direct teaching than I had been previously comfortable with, but the students (and I) felt more organized and clear about the expectations and how to use the skill I was teaching them. I know there are times when a facilitation style of teaching is more useful for students or for the objective on a lesson, but recognizing that direct-teaching is actually an essential part of schooling was an important lesson for me to learn.

Parent-teacher conferences were held during the afternoon for three days. I sat in on a handful of these meetings observing how my teacher addresses parent concerns and maneuvers balancing her concerns with honoring the strengths of the child. Sometimes I wondered why concerns that the teacher has expressed to me throughout the day, were not addressed during the meeting. During the meeting with the parents of one of the ELL students, I wondered what the legal obligations of the school are to have translators for the parents. It was clear how much parents want to know what to do to help their son or daughter be successful when the parents of a student with some behavior and academic challenges had their meeting with the teacher.

When I first learned how teachers recognize (and memorize!) the strengths and weakness of each child, through formal and informal assessment, it quickly became one of the skills I was most afraid I would not be able to “do” as a teacher. Throughout my time in classrooms, it becomes clearer how much teachers can learn about their students. I know what to observe, how to observe, and the usefulness of jotting down a few notes about each child at the end of every few days. I know what questions to ask students when they are struggling with a topic or have quickly finished an assignment to assess their real understanding of the situation or problem. After only 3 or so weeks, I feel comfortable talking about the academic and social issues of each of the students in the classroom.

Migration

Due to some complications I'm now in another school--a rural school in a second grade classroom. Instead of driving past tall buildings, malls, hotels---I take long, winding roads pass farmland and trees collecting sap for the syrup-making season. Instead of having 20 + students and teaching in a classroom full of mostly Puerto Rican children, there are 14 students (with now three adults in the classroom) who are mostly white. My cooperating teacher writes a beautiful blog about her classroom and you might even be able to see some photos of me working with kids (http://sunderlandgrade2.blogspot.com/). While there are a few English Language Learners, most of them are born in the U.S. and are highly proficient (academically and socially) in English so instruction looks a lot different than it did in the urban school where many students were literally learning English in school. I make these statements not as judgments, but as observations of differences.

I'm excited to be a teacher for many reasons--but mainly because I think it's brilliant to attempt to understand how the minds of children work--how do they learn to care about the world, how do they learn to become citizens of the world. As part of my student teaching requirements, I am designing (and implementing) an integrated unit. Based on what the kids have already been taught--my unit (which I'll start in a few weeks) is titled "Measuring our stories: using geography and measurement to learn about our location and histories." I am using the Massachusetts Curriculum Frameworks of second grade to combine learning expectations for geography (social studies) and measurement (math). There are definitely ways to integrate literature and writing components. Students will explore their personal histories of migration--by learning about measurement tools (rulers, weights, etc.) and maps to understand key geographic elements of the world. Based on the reading I've done about English Language Learners having units that integrate many similar themes across disciplines helps, especially, ELL students develop the key language in one area (instead of having to learn many different sets of vocabulary for disconnected units). The ELL students in this class, while proficient and can easily "pass" as learning the material, I'm noticing the ways in which they are struggling with understanding (really understanding the content) because learning is so "language-based." I'm sure an integrated unit won't just help the ELL students--often accommodations for one group, is ultimately useful for everyone (it's why having students with different needs, I think, is so helpful as a teacher--it challenges teachers to make sure they are reaching all of their students).

Okay back to the unit. I ultimately want students to know that there are specific measurement tools that are helpful when creating relationships between one thing and another thing (this is what we call the "big idea") and I root some of this in immigration stories (the other part of the unit involves creating maps of their school/classroom and exploring ways to use measurement tools). Students will share their immigration stories--but I'm struggling with this. I want students to understand that some people find the U.S. home--and have always found it as home--even if they have moved within the U.S. (or been forced to moved). I want students to understand that even though the label might imply migration from one continent to another place (i.e. African American) some folks don't feel any connection to the "original home" and thus that place might not be "home" at all. I want student to understand that migration is still happening. I want students to understand that some people don't know where their biological families "came from," but that doesn't mean they don't have a history. I want to present the idea of disabled folks leaving nursing homes and into their communities as migration, too. (If you have any thoughts on good children's literature that might address some of these questions--please let me know). I want students to know that stories of immigration are fluid and there is no "right" way to answer these questions, but it's important to explore our personal histories to get a sense of how we got to where we are now. I think it's a tangible way to give second graders a sense of history and time.

I hope ultimately there is a respectful balance between giving students time to share their stories (and learn about key geographical features from these continents and using map keys to measure distance!) and exposing them to other stories of migration. By holding multiple stories, I hope students learn who is "not" in their classroom and community, but who is present in the world. I hope students learn to think critically about why this might be and whether it's good or bad or just is. And this is why teaching is so exciting for me.